MAKING THE APPROACH

A prestigious firm it was, the height and astonishing architectural structure of the skyscraper peacocked it amidst all other buildings that surrounded it. It was a great spectacle to behold on the streets of Calabar. A single revolving glass door leads into the building. Every day, Etim steps into the revolving door, pessimistic about how the day’s job would go, and every evening he would step out thinking of how he had nothing but his huge apartment and dog to go back home to. This rather became a discouraging routine until that very day he was star struck in that same revolving glass of a door. Her beauty enchanted him into a trance and the few seconds he spent in the revolving door seemed like minutes as the moment became like a slowly played out part from a motion picture. Hooked on her gaze, he began to shiver even though the sun was high up in the sky. The hypnotism broke as the revolving cycle was complete. She stepped out of the building just as he stepped into the building. His manly instinct told him what to do but it seemed like a ship anchor rooted him to the spot. He wanted to approach her but he dreaded the unlikely gesture she may return. The few seconds that passed seemed to be the longest moments of his life as his conscience was debating on what to do and what not to do. Soon he lost sight of her as he stared with fixed concentration through the revolving glass, it then dawned on him that he hadn't the iota of confidence in approaching women.

source: kenyaninfo

 

 

Most men often tend to grow cold feet whenever they see a beautiful lady that they’re attracted to, but you can’t really blame some of them as they probably had a sheltered childhood, they are naturally shy, grew up amidst male siblings, were fed with the wrong information about the female species or grew up being intimidated by women. So their fear to meet new people or chase after the woman they want makes them end up settling for less or taking whatever comes their way.

 

 

 

So you see this beautiful lady next to you, you want her so bad and you really want to meet her, then your mind goes into a nervous state, you become a sorcerer that sees into the future. You picture all the negative outcomes that could transpire if you walked up to her and try starting a conversation. You picture her blowing you off, you picture her slapping you, you picture her making a mockery of you, and concisely you picture an embarrassing rejection. Don’t be dispirited, having such feelings doesn’t make you a wuss, it is totally natural and yet it’s something you can overcome. The stiffness you feel in your heart and the adhesive beneath your feet were only created by your mind to prevent you from getting what you want. The good thing is that it’s a thing of the mind so you can always change or correct it.

 

 

 

To overcome approach anxiety, as it is popularly called. You have to change your mind frame that makes you feel inadequate. You need to be confident and feel good about yourself. Ask me what best way to feel good about one’s self and I will tell you to look good, dress well, display good grooming and maintain proper hygiene. No woman wants a sleaze ball. When you’re well dressed, it spurs up positive feeling and energy in you, thus increasing your confidence and making you feel good about yourself. The same thing applies to women as they are not totally confident around people they aren’t so close to unless they’re clean and well dressed.

 

 

 

Truly like poles repel and unlike poles attract but the law of magnetism  doesn’t apply to human dealings and attitude, no one wants to be associated with someone oozing negative vibe, happy individuals want to mingle with happy people and rich people want to connect with other rich people. Knowing that human feelings and attitude could be contagious, we all want to be associated with people that emanate positive energy and not with people that will depress us with their negative vibe. Nothing radiates positive energy more than confidence, so be confident, believe in your value and high self worth. Have the mind frame of the prize; knowing that if she turns you down she will be losing out on a great guy. When you have the mindset of the prize, you make yourself believe that you the person of great interest she has to win over or compete for. Having this in mind you will be able to approach anybody. Another important thing is that you don’t need to start reciting conversation scripts you’ve memorized in your head, just flow with the conversation, keep good eye contact, communicate with a positive body language, don’t sound too cocky, and don’t come acting like a pervert. Practice this often, be it with someone you are attracted to or someone you’re not attracted to and you will see your social or people skills improve which is beneficial in all works of life.

 

 

 

In this part of the world, our women are trained to wait for the man. Although civilization, open-mindedness, desperation or probably uncontrollable lust seems to be making some women approach men, yet it is still a common trend for them to wait for you to make the move even when they’re interested. One thing men must realize is that a timid lady will always have men that will approach her but not much can be said for a timid man who has slimmer chances at achieving a real relationship that he truly deserves and in which he won’t be exploited. So be the man, go for what you want and like I always say, “Rejection is normal, everybody can’t like you and it’s not your fault that they don’t”.

 

 

 

The reality is that the person you want to approach might not even be worth it, you might not even be compatible and she might not be the beauty and brains you need. Nonetheless, you have to kiss many frogs before you kiss the princess. So get out there, meet new people, build your social circle, have fun, exchange ideas and fortunately you might just meet that special someone you truly deserve. Women should also realize that men are egotistic creatures and that it takes a great deal for them to walk up to women, so ladies should be nice, approachable and make their disinterest known in a subtle manner. This article is also applicable to other aspects of life, being that you should be positive towards trying new things and be confident in your dealings with people.

 

 

 

Disclaimer: Not everyone you see is approachable; some people could be frustrated, in a hurry to somewhere, unhappy, stressed out or generally in a bad mood. It’s never a good time to approach such people and chances are high that they will be irritable in response to you. So time your approach well and study their body language.

WHY SINGLE WOMEN REJECT MEN

By THEODORAH EKAH and TEMITAYO BAMGBOSE

 

Women are cleverer than men. Did you ever see a woman marrying a man because he had lovely legs?–Bette Davis

 

Women are beautiful beings yet complicated creatures. The male races have long for centuries, chased these beautiful beings since puberty. They’ve come across all sorts of Jerks(miscreant, Assholes, fools9rascals, pedophiles, heart breakers, needy guys and guys that just don’t get it. Unlike the males, females get sexually matured earlier, which introduces them to the dating scene much earlier than their male counterpart. Thus, they have badges and stars of experience on their dating uniform. This makes them quite good at understanding male body languages and intentions even more than men do of themselves.

 

 

Now this article doesn’t cut across every lady, girl or woman. Some people wonder why women tend to act indifferent towards both decent and amoral gestures of men. But they never tend to wonder what it is to be approached in a wrong way by the wrong time in a wrong manner. The objective of this article is to let you know why women give you the medusa look and the insensitive response towards your gestures.

 

 

Her want

Women’s perceptions of men are classified into categories which will be boiled down to three. There are the boys, guys, and the men. When they come across them, their feminine instinct appraises them and decides on what category these male folks fall into automatically. The way a boy thinks and act is quite different from how an intelligent man does. The way a guy dresses is very much different from a man. The way a man talks is different from a guy. There is usually a sensational aura to this classification of the male gender. Therefore, depending on her age and wants, a woman will be more receptive to a particular type of guy. E.g. a girl in her teens is more swayable by a guy than a boy (which is not largely age dependent). Likewise a woman in her mid-twenties with the intention of getting married soon will want to let go of guys and give men more opportunities.

 

 

Her nature

It is said that women are the most complex beings God made for men to comprehend. I agree with the ideology of who so ever propounded it. This beautiful beings reason more emotionally than logically. They think often with their hearts which are subtle and flexible thus there is no law known to man that is applicable to women in general, their decision making and want are ever changing. Things that ought to work turn out to be a total sham while odd action turns out to work magic. You could drool over a girl, shower her with compliments and gifts yet she will still detest you and opt for the guy that ignores her and offers her nothing. It’s never basic science with them; you could be rich and handsome yet still get rejected.





Photo Source: Peoples Daily

Her criteria

Some women have a checklist to ascertain that they’ve found Mr. Right even though they know he doesn’t exist in the real sense of the word. So they have high hopes and even higher ambitions that surely he will come their way and so every other male folk that doesn’t meet their standard  is just a phony until that so impossibly perfect ‘man’ walks up to them. Some of these men have gone through the strain of mustering up courage to walk up to them, but since they aren’t near the valuation of the prince charming they want, they get blown off.

 

 

Ambition conflict

The female folk may turn down a man because of the tendency of emotional distraction. Some women are just so particular about their education and career and do not want to succumb to the cravings of the men. With the advent of feminism that poisons women’s mind, the increasing belief is that men’s aim at initiating a relationship is because they want to subdue their exotic bodies, divine souls and productive minds so as to feel good about themselves. They make themselves believe that they want to focus on their career goals and probably later settle down with that man that will understand who they truly are and so for that moment, the male folks are just not in their interest.

 

Emotional insecurity

 

Their emotional insecurity is also one of the reasons why they turn down men. The past experience could have been very hurtful and they could still brooding and also yet to get over it. It mars the trust they once had for men. To them every male folk is a sequel and share much in common with the previous one. So they build walls to safeguard them but unknowingly, they block out that decent guy who ought to mend their brokenness. Some of them are not just ready to jump into a relationship, not when they still have bags and baggage. They just want to unpack those negative experiences and then air their dirty laundries to start afresh in due time.

 

Content of approach

 

To be factual, the content of attitude, approach or looks and even time determine how women will respond to you. Some of the male folks have very bad manners of approaches. Who still uses archaic words to toast a lady?! Cliché words really bore them. Sometimes your appearance kills the fantasy they web. The below average thinking faculty ironically amuses them, manner of speech does help to kill that moment a nicely body built man walks up to them to say something just grammatically preposterous. Women are body language experts so your lack of confidence, flinching and desperation which are noticed with ease, kill your chances with them.

 

Materialism

 

Some women are extravagant and materialistic. No woman is out of your league but if you’re not able to handle them, don’t go for them. Before you approach some of them, their eyes have already X-rayed your pocket, appraising your value and determining your potential capacity to uphold them. It’s so disappointing to them if you don’t measure up to the task. So they wonder what more do you want to waste their time for. Nonetheless some have chosen to live a celibate life for personal reasons best known them. Some men may think they aren’t sexually straight or have too much attitude, but the fact is that you probably aren’t their type and some need time and some don’t just need a male folk pending on the prevalent space of time and situation. Well in a society as ours, when you find out that a 29 year old single lady who stills turns down the approaches of men yet really wants to be with a man in her life, then you know that there’s is something fishy and more than just meets the eye.

 

 

 

In some situations, it’s no fault of the men. Some women are just uncouth and lacking in courtesy. Many women need to realize that they’re just a speck of dust in the beach of the population of beautiful women in the world. So be ladylike, courteous and be subtle in your disinterest towards men. Cheers!

BEING NEEDY= SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE FOOT

Nothing sounds safe being in excess and such fact abounds greatly in the matter of love. It could be quite suffocating at times, making you gasp for the bits of your personal life that seems to be snuffed out of you.  Often when we get involved in relationships or with new people we are emotionally attached to, we tend to seek for more of their attention, which is purely a natural human inclination but which becomes overly bothersome when done in excess.

The affinity that occurs between two emotionally attached individuals naturally makes them depend on each other for happiness, validation and other needs. In some cases, one of the partners suffers from a love sickness which is ingrained in their personality and makes them overly seek for attention, affection and validation, which in modern terms could be classified as being needy or clingy. Being needy doesn’t necessarily only occur between lovers, it could be between friends and family as well. These individuals subconsciously and consciously demand for more help and attention than the other counterpart is willing to give. They find themselves usually scared and helpless and in need of someone to hold on to. They feel easily betrayed, hold grudges and effortlessly misinterpret words said to them or said about them.

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Being needy demonstrates low value and self esteem, high sense of insecurity and inferiority; it doesn’t justify your love or care for your partner. It only chokes them. An individual with high value ought to be occupied with at least things that are personal to him/her or even work. The person ought to have hobbies, things to do or think about in their free time and a social circle comprising of cool friends with the right attitude, who he/she can always have fun with. Neediness carries baggage of negative feelings, such as: depression, inadequacy, malice, jealousy, low self esteem and other insecurities.

If you are the needy type and fortunately you’re reading this, you have to realize that situations won’t always happen the way you want it, people won’t always be committed to you, people will love you and still not communicate with you, people will decide not to return your calls or texts, people are busy and occupied with some things at times and that in friendship and other relationships there could be lack communication yet it still doesn’t mean it’s over or it’s not valued. You have to learn that people will always disappoint, flake out on you and that no one is too willing to give more than what they’re capable of. As much as I love to spend quality time with my sweetheart, I won’t be able to tolerate one that is needy. Someone that demands my attention and affection 24/7, interferes with my “me time”, my time with my video games and my time with my family and friends. Women and Men of high value don’t go for needy people; they don’t want people with little or no self worth. They want positive individuals that have a fun life and love themselves because when you’re needy you’re most likely a loner and your life will obviously be boring.

The reality is that when you’re clingy to a person, the person tends to feel obligated to you. You make the person feel bad and guilty when he/she can’t meet your needs or tolerate you. The person then ends up resenting you and becomes distant to you. Being needy will blow up your relationships right in front of your eyes. To overcome the urge of being needy, you have to find a balance in your relationships i.e. you shouldn’t over do things, contact people moderately and don’t visit them or call them up for a hangout often. To overcome neediness, you need to get a life! Get preoccupied with work, find a way to keep yourself busy, get involved with activities, go out often, visit places, develop new hobbies, visit friends, love yourself and most importantly don’t let your happiness be determined by one person. Be responsible for your happiness and take control of your life. When you have a full schedule you won’t even have the time to be needy. Independent people are more attractive than clingy ones, so get busy and be occupied with fun activities

Self confidence and self esteem are also key weapons in overcoming neediness. So by being independent and having self love, you boost your confidence and self esteem, you become someone that no longer always look to people for attention and validation and also disappointments then becomes a thing that no longer hurts you greatly. One thing needy people have to learn is that not all people take relationships seriously, some people are just naturally emotionally distant and some people don’t just like you at all and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. So you just have to learn to overcome rejection, respect their wishes, realize that persistence is not always helpful and be comfortable in your own skin and with being single. Relationships for you should be a want not a necessity; you should not make it food for your soul and what your life solely depends on.

Disclaimer: If you are in a relationship in which you know you’re not exceedingly needy and that your demands are considerably fair yet you’re getting nothing but peanuts in return, it will be best you think of how to induce a change or ending such relationships. Relationships ought to be 100-100 not 50-50 and never 20-80. Although there comes a time when a particular partner is busy that you have to do more of the texting and calling but when it becomes a routine, the relationship is not healthy, it will only make you nag, feel needy and reduce your self esteem, making you feel like you’re not good enough. 

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WHY YOUR SPOUSE’S PHONE IS AN ONION

I must have died from choking on an onion bulb in my first life, it probably made me to resent its very existence. Its repulsive smell stirs up my stomach like an unforgiving cake mixer and makes me want to puke. It still puzzles me why prehistoric men decided to eat a vegetable that makes you cry. In its vile nature, it comprises of several layers and as you peel further it makes you cry the more. She just left for the bathroom and fortunately for you she left her mobile. No feeling could be more tempting than the one you’re feeling right now; you want to check her messages, emails and read her chat so bad. Don’t do it!!! You will only stir up negative feelings.

When we get involved in relationships, the feeling of us being played or cheated on lingers in our heart. It’s a natural phenomenon for most people, which in most cases are born out of bitter experiences from past relationships. As this is an ever present feeling, the need to know continues to haunt us, so we go James bond on our partners at every opportunity that presents itself, with the objectives of spying and intercepting enemy (opposite sex) messages. If only you knew that even the most harmless of all messages could be misinterpreted.

As technology is now so advanced, women need not to check for lipstick stains on their man’s collar. The men now have cyber-collars which get stained more than often with the infidelity the internet promotes. Women often times than many have been caught snooping in their partner’s facebook and twitter account, also in their emails, text messages and chatting apps. The act usually spurred by a hunch of infidelity, for others it’s instinctive of them to pry while for some, they can’t just overcome the temptation.

Your partner’s phone is an onion. The more you go deep into it, the more likely you’re to cry. As it is known that people who go looking for trouble will always find it, which is also applicable to searching your partner’s phone for God knows what you could be looking for. A simple message read with sentiments could be understood by you in the wrong context and assumed to be flirtatious or sexually suggestive. In truth and in all transparency the message could just be their way of having an interesting conversation, yet it gets you troubled and series of negative scenarios start playing in your head. I for one, I get lots of newsletters on my email that I don’t even know how or when I subscribed to them. Provocative newsletters like “meet hot chicks that are ready for you”, “how to last longer in bed” etc. If my partner then reads my email, not only will she think I’m cheating, she will probably think am a pervert having inadequacy issues. Let’s say your sixth sense tells you he is cheating, you then decide to intrude his privacy, unfortunately for you, your guts were right. He had been cheating on you with Susan. Like the outstanding FBI agent that you’re, you’ve got enough incriminating chats, messages and pictures to confront him. You feel hurt, heartbroken and betrayed, but more like a douche for going through his phone without his consent. This is because at that moment, you’re in no way better than him or Susan. You’re the one with the trust issue and you’re the monster that intruded his privacy.



Privacy is a sacred thing and it should be kept and treated as such. Aside checking pictures, prying into your partner’s phone is a major trespass, it never ends well. There is always a sick feeling that comes with it even if your suspicions are true and worse if your partner is as clean as a whistle. You could tell your GF to show you her facebook inbox; then you will know that there are so many desperate and perverted individuals of the male specie that want her so bad and her only fault is because she is beautiful and friendly. A jealous guy comes across this and makes a huge fuss about it, looks stupid and eventually hurts his relationship. None of us will want anyone to check whatever we might have browsed on or searched on Google without our consent, however innocent these things could be. Google is actually my best friend, I used to check how to kiss when I was so naïve and certainly I wouldn’t have wanted anybody to come across this. I know you’ve googled worse (points finger). Their phone is a black book, their personal diary and it should be respected. We won’t be our actual selves if we don’t hold things back for ourselves. These things are part of our identity and we probably don’t want you to know about them. Some things are just confidential and should be accepted as such.



Imagine an alternate universe, in which you were not the snoopy type, things could have been different. You wouldn’t have felt the negative emotions attributed with finding out that he or she was probably cheating. He/She probably would get over the person and stick with you. You probably wouldn’t have ruined the surprise they had planned for you, he/she would have trusted you more and your relationship would have been blissful.



What you don’t know will certainly not bother or hurt you. You’re responsible for your happiness and you have no control over the actions of others. It’s never a nice feeling when you’re at the other end and you’re been interrogated over something your partner must have seen on your phone, particularly if it’s harmless. Jealousy is cute but it could be straight out obnoxious. So respect their privacy and avoid dating people that always raise your suspicions or people you have little trust for, because in truth such relationships are bound to crash. In your own opinion you could claim it brought you justice, so also is it through that you could have avoided a lot of heart aches, heart breaks and mistrust issues if you had avoided peeling the onion. When you do, it’s most likely you find and it’s more certain that you cry.

STARVING THE GREEN MONSTER

Seen how the Hulk goes on rampage when you grab his damsel? The sight as we all know is quite disastrous; you wouldn’t want to be caught in between. I would bet not much is known about his cousin, Jealousy, the green monster that slowly creeps into the heart without making the slightest announcement, consumes us like wild fire and takes control of all senses and actions. The monster reveals itself when we are faced with the impending thought of losing someone of great value and importance. Someone we so much desire that we wouldn’t bear to lose. It’s natural animal instinct likewise human instinct to protect our territory, which comprises of things and individuals valuable to us. Being possessive and protective of our spouses is so also a way of protecting our territory which shows we care for them and value them.

Jealousy at hazardous levels causes havoc which gets you depressed, overly pessimistic and stirs up detrimental emotions, such as you feel insufficient with a great deal of hatred and revulsion emanating from your heart. It is of popular belief that jealousy is a major attribute of women, which most men, in some cases do well to hide better. It could be as result of the social stereotype that regards men as the more promiscuous sex, which many women are made to believe even though the actions of men have not been in any way helpful to disregard this assumption. Men are egotistic creatures. It is not to say that they do not get jealous but most men find being jealous a demeaning act as they are presumed to be the dominant and emotionally stronger sex. So men have stronger tolerance and restraint for keeping the green monster in chains. Studies and observations show jealous is not totally a thing of the sex, it as to do with the individual’s personality. Some people are just extremely jealous, it’s their nature, and they can’t help it. These kinds of people don’t do well with impending threats of losing their treasured ones to others even if the threat is not a potent one. This is usually born out of insecurities, neediness and lack of self confidence. These are what the green monster feeds on and this kind of people invites the green monster to a buffet.

I personally believe that when you get jealous, it’s because you care, so also nothing is good in excess. Feeding the green monster often, such that it gains strength and unleashes itself in the most terrible ways is an evidence of insecurity, low self esteem and lack of self confidence. As much as you care about him or her, it still doesn’t mean you should lose yourself. When you lose yourself and cause chaos, penitence might not just be enough to save your relationship. So you should see yourself as the prize, have the mind frame of being irreplaceable, stitch it in your brain and heart that your partner will be the one at a loss if he or she decides to cheat or leave you. Though you might not be exact equals in social standing and career status, still believe in your worth and strive to get better and raise your station

Yes, you are involved with him/her, but it still doesn’t make billions of the female /male world population to cease to exist. Even if your partner isn’t so much of a “hottie”, the opposite sex will always continue to make passes at him/her as long as they find your lover desirable. So get your acts together, don’t go breaking heads, demonstrate high value, kill your insecurities and subconsciously tell your partner that although you’re hanging out with him/her, I’m not threatened because I know I have more to offer you and I’m better. ALERT!!!! If it becomes a routine to meet or catch your spouse in suggestive situations with the opposite sex, you’re permitted to break heads and let all hell loose probably after verbal resolution fails. Concisely moderation is vital.

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THE SCIENCE IN RELATIONSHIPS

You must be mystified wondering what the SCIENCE in love relationships could be about, with relationship being a form of social interaction in its description, so getting to attach a level of science detailing could sound a lot confusing. You could probably call me a Wizard though, because I tend to materialize Gold out of the thin air, but as you journey with me into my world of MICROBIOLOGY, it’s certain could become a believer.

As I have finally succeeded in grafting science and relationship together, I can boldly say that relationships tend to move in a graphical trend which could be likened to a typical microbial growth curve. As I continue, you will have to pardon my French. To my witty readers who aren’t so science inclined, get ready to be spoon fed.

The microbial growth curve simply shows and explains the rate of growth of microorganisms over a period of time. The growth curve possesses four phases; the LAG, EXPONENTIAL, STATIONARY and DEATH/DECLINE PHASE. From intensive research these phases were found to be ingrained in the growth of a love relationship.

I begin; the lag phase in microbial terms is when the microorganisms are slightly dormant, increase in size and begin to produce enzymes and vitamins vital for their growth. This slow phase is related to human intimate relationships and similar to when two intending lovers make acquaintances of each other and he starts wooing her. This is the period of knowing each other, when the expected butterflies in both bellies are still caterpillars, with the man trying to impress and put up a good show. This phase ends mostly with the woman saying yes.

In the exponential phase, the organism starts to grow, reaches its peak and reproduces at a very fast rate which is also synonymous, being that after the lag phase the butterflies in both bellies are fully grown and are dancing “shoki.” In this phase, things are going so well for both of you; you could actually “die on top her matter.” You open doors for her, she calls and texts you frequently, she always wants to be with you and you’re probably having a reasonable amount of quality sex. In short, nothing could be more perfect because you’re so in love with little or no care for the world. Sadly the stationary face walks in. 

In microbial studies this is the phase where there is no decline or increase in growth. It becomes constant because production equals accumulation of toxic waste and nutrients become depleted. This is also in relation with humans, because after the exponential phase, you become sober, the intoxicating effect from the alcohol of love is now wearing off, with the butterflies getting old. Things move at a steady state. You don’t get to communicate often, the sex isn’t so thrilling, you probably start to argue more, things are not so fun and one of you starts to lose interest. In summary, the love depletes and as we all know the law of diminishing returns affect virtually all things, so it becomes apparent for the dreaded DEATH phase to creep in.

As the death phase creeps in, the toxic waste accumulates so highly, nutrients become completely depleted and microbial growth reduces until it eventually seizes and all life forms die. This is also observed in human love relationships as this is the phase where the butterflies starts to die, couples start to fight, things get excruciatingly boring with little or no communication, one of you probably cheats, the ‘love” becomes distasteful till it eventually dies and fades.

 The REASON why most relationships end up in the death phase; when we develop assumed crush on a guy/lady, we want them so bad like our life depends on it. They’re like the most important prize in the world to us. We crave for them severely and our hearts blinds us to seeing their negative behaviors that aren’t so attuned with ours. We then get them. We feel made for a while, later the feeling becomes not as intense as before. We’re like kids fascinated by their new toy later to get bored of it. A major reason why relationships fail is because we get lazy and take things that used to matter for granted; we stop putting in effort, we stop looking good for one another, we stop doing what got him/her attracted to us, then things turn for worse and gets excruciatingly boring, we blame it on our partner, we blame it on all sorts of things until worse scenarios fill up the rest of the chapters.

The SOLUTION; just as my ex told me, “relationships don’t remain stagnant, when it’s about to die you have to reignite the flames of the love or water the plant of love for it to continue to grow.” So start giving it your all, your time and the best of your efforts. Now I’m about to speak in Greek. In modern microbiology a solution was proffered to the problem of the growth curve which always ended in a death phase. It was the CHEMOSTAT, an invention which kept the growth in the exponential phase for optimum growth. It works on the principle of pumping in fresh nutrients and simultaneously removing toxic waste. It is carried out in a controlled and contained environment. This is evident in most successful relationships where you find new ways and put in more effort to keep your love fresh (pumping in fresh nutrient). Putting in consideration that you have to agree to disagree, be faithful and forgive grudges (remove toxic waste). Finally, keeping your issues to one another (contained environment) rather than telling them to the prying ears of your friends. With all said, I’m very certain you can convince most of your friends that you majored in microbiology. So when you get home, show your man or woman this article or send the link to him/her and ask them for the phase you are in at present. Please do comment and feel free to criticize. If you love it, broadcast it and share it. Cheers!!

**Do send this article to your partner and ask him/her about the phase your relationship is currently in.**

THE BROAD WAY TO HIS HEART

Without flinching he had just thrown his wife over the balcony, like a sack of nothing. What a horrid sight?! Just before remorse of his actions could kick in, with his eyes blazing red, he shouted in anger that, “no one dares taunt my favorite team whenever they are losing on live TV”. One might say it’s craziness at its peak, while others might argue that he was overly passionate to a disastrous effect. The world says the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Others argue it’s through sex. What if I told you they’re all wrong? I can bet you will be in state of disbelieve. There is no doubt that every man loves a good meal and will so much cherish a woman that can provide that for him. So also sex might be ingrained in keeping your man because it creates a connection yet it doesn’t keep him forever interested and attracted to you.

The express and broad way to a man’s heart is getting interested and taking part in what interests him. Like the food and sex gluttons they are assumed to be, it becomes quite obvious that food and sex are not all that matter in the case of desires. Men have likes, hobbies and stuffs they are passionate about. REALITY CHECK: A man can always find a woman that can cook better than his girlfriend or wife, the neighboring canteen is never too far and a man can also find good sex elsewhere. Finally food and sex can’t be served 24/7.

What I’m about to tell you is your sure bet of keeping him on your leash. A good relationship is one that is devoid of boredom which kills relationships swiftly and in most cases eventually leads to break up or cheating. If you get to see how guys are passionate about what they love, you tend to doubt if their love for you actually exceeds the love for the things they’re passionate about. I know many dudes that ignore their “sweetheart’s” messages and calls whenever they are watching their favorite sport. There was even a married man with kids that put up his house up for bet on a football match (he’s definitely more passionate about football than his family), unfortunately he lost the bet along with the house. We’ve heard of men that drank highly concentrated cleaning agent because of heartbreak, so also we’ve learnt of guys that died from heart attack while watching their favourite sport.

My elder brother in his own words will propose to any girl that shares his taste in music (rap, pop, rock), and loves to play games. A saying goes thus, “if he pauses his game (or something he is really involved in) to reply your text, MARRY HIM. The truth is 98% of guys won’t pause just to reply you, though we love you babes I suppose. Damn right, you now know he wasn’t busy all the time he claimed to be busy (doing what he’s passionate about). I also know guys that will be so happy with any girl that can keep up with their geeky conversations and talks about celebrity stories. Some will kill for ladies that like novels like they do or ladies that are as social as them.

Bottom line is that the familiarity and similarity of what we like and what you like strengthens the bond between us. Women should make an effort at developing interest in what their male counterparts like. As this not only creates a fun time for both of you, it also eradicates boredom, creates wonderful memories and most importantly the passionate and positive energy he has towards that particular thing will be passed and radiated unto you. 

We men could be very choosy yet we seem to want clones of ourselves as partners because they seem to be like our perfect match. We would love to have someone that loves our movies, our hobbies, our kind of songs, plays games (video/card/board) with us, some one that likes our kind of books, sports etc. In general we want someone that is in sync in what us. Someone that shows interest and attempt to take part in the things we like. Do this and he will always come back running to you. From your deductions it might seem all we want is a female doppelganger, which is not what I intend to point out. It’s quite evident that men find alternate personality attractive and that most men go in search for women that complement their traits (e.g. an introvert going for an extrovert).We don’t need you to have all our bad manners; a lady still has to be a lady. All we want is for you to make an attempt in becoming our clone when it comes to things we like and things we’re passionate about.

Tayo’s Law therefore states that, if any man is to describe his dream girl, he will describe a hot chick that meets his physical sexual appeal, personality requirement and LIKES TO DO WHAT HE LIKES. Challenge that!!!

Note: you should only show interest and take part in his positive, legal and safe activities.

THE TWO RELATIONSHIP LADDERS THAT LEADS TO A WOMAN’S HEART

The two relationship ladders; quite enigmatic for a title, yet you will be perplexed and enlightened after I walk you through this. Your curiosity must be at its peak wondering what these ladders could be and where they could lead. Fear not, their destination doesn’t go beyond our very own earth, yet into the knotty heart of the very beautiful and enchanting woman that we so much desire.

Through various observations and from the study of the natural order of the world on how attraction works, I have noticed something which all you, my perceptive readers will come to terms with. Two distinctive ladders lead to a woman’s heart; The LOVERS and FRIENDS ladder. Our actions and decisions influence our placement at the foot of only one of the ladders and also our strategic positions on the ladder, whether we ascend or descend.

Good, first impressions matter they say, most women judge us (we the male species) at first sight. Appraising our value within the first few minutes of interaction and placing us at the foot of the ladder deemed fit by them. She thinks this way; “hmmm, he looks nice and seems friendly. He will make a good friend.” Or better still, “wow, he’s so cute/hot and quite interesting. Definitely my type, I will like to go out with him.” Or worse “he’s shabby looking and of an uncouth behavior. I best avoid him.” All these outcomes could play in her head, but worry not; even an impaired first impression could be corrected with a powerful comeback. As it is said, a book should not be judged by its cover and even the man that makes a good first impression still poses the harm of throwing a spanner in the works.

A Scott Jarvie picture

As said earlier, one can ascend or descend on either of these ladders. On the FRIENDS’ ladder, you can be best of friends with her, a close friend, a good friend, just a friend, or no longer friends when you fall of the ladder. The same principle applies to the LOVERS’ ladder where you can fall off as an ex or a wasted venture and can as well ascend as a crush, a friend with benefit, a potential lover and at its peak, a boyfriend/spouse.

When you make acquaintances with her, you’re in-between both ladders and your progressive actions determines which ladder you climb unto. Like it is being said, “nice guys finish last.” A nice guy (excluding the men that genuinely want to be friends) in that context simply means a man that thinks not so highly of himself and feels he has to compliment his way up to the woman’s heart. Probably run lots of errands for her and has not the nerve to decline her requests or tell her NO. All in all, a “nice guy” doesn’t understand how attractions work. These are the men who not by choice find themselves on the FRIENDS’ ladder due to their ill social predisposition of you having to be best of friends with the lady you desire before suggesting or attempting intimacy. As this is not a law, “nice guys” sometimes find themselves on the LOVERS’ ladder. I might argue, it’s mostly by chance or at times the talk of interest fancies them already.

Here comes the spoilers; the two ladders are so special and distinct that moving from one ladder to another is considered an anomaly or a miracle when you’ve gone so far up a ladder, owing to the obvious fact that women don’t function the way men do. This is evident from observations that show women rarely get into relationships with their close male friends as they don’t feel attracted to them. Unlike men who are mostly indifferent and wouldn’t mind to do the naughty with a close female friend as long as she’s willing and they’re attracted. For these reasons, some of us have fallen into the very dark and deep pit called the FRIENDZONE. In this zone, words can’t describe how heartbroken one feels especially when you care a whole lot about the girl. It’s like having a front row seat at the premiere of a highly rated movie by your favorite actress without having your eye sight (moment of silent please..). Unless you reach the peak (boyfriend/spouse) of the lovers’ ladder, your time on the ladder is mostly short-lived. It becomes extremely difficult to go back to being friends because as earlier said; moving from one ladder to another is considered an anomaly.

Finally, to say there is a lovers' ladder doesn’t mean they didn’t start off as friends, women recognize friends that they are likely to date. Note that how high up you go from a ladder is directly proportional to how difficult it becomes to move from one ladder to another e.g. it is easy for a guy who is just a friend to climb unto the lovers’ ladder and it becomes increasing difficult for those that are close friends, best of friends and the friend-zoned brothers. So also, it is easier for a guy who is just a crush to become a good friend by moving to the friend’s ladder, than a boyfriend who is way high up. One thing we should all know is that even if your Dominoes fall into the right places, the final decision still rests on her shoulders. Well you could influence her decision with a love charm **winks**. Please do comment and freely criticize. Cheers!